eavesdripping tinsel
holding up wonderfully
Gather ‘round, for this week’s Ex/rotic Friday brings a shimmering, bittersweet bauble to our literary xmas tree. James Merrill—a poet of rare & glittering resonance—invites us into the glow of his Christmas Tree, a piece steeped in queer love, mortal reckoning, and the defiant grace of living fully in the face of inevitable loss. As the holidays cast their glowing web of joy and melancholia, let us honour Merrill’s gift: a poignant reminder that even in the dimmest hours, our lives glimmer with the ornaments of connection, courage, and chosen family. Raise your glass to the tender, the tenacious, and the beautifully mortal among us.
And what follows beyond that is my take on why RENT is a holiday classic. You’ve been warned. Can’t talk chosen family without it really. And it’s Christmas. So shut up.
James Merrill: Poet of Love, Loss, and Luminosity
James Merrill (1926–1995) remains a monumental figure in American poetry, renowned for his intellectual finesse, technical brilliance, and deeply human explorations of love, identity, and mortality. Born into privilege as the son of Charles Merrill, co-founder of Merrill Lynch, Merrill transformed a life of affluence into a richly introspective and universally resonant poetic legacy.
From Privilege to Poetry
Merrill’s early life, shaped by his parents' divorce and his elite education at Amherst College, informed his debut, First Poems (1951). Early collections like Water Street (1962) and Nights and Days (1966) showcased his lyrical mastery and preoccupation with love, memory, and selfhood, setting the stage for a career defined by both personal intimacy and philosophical inquiry.
Queer Love and Cosmic Questions
Openly gay in an era when few dared to be, Merrill wove his identity into poems that balanced tender intimacy with broader cultural and spiritual themes. His Pulitzer-winning Divine Comedies (1976) celebrated queer love while pondering existential dilemmas. Meanwhile, his magnum opus, The Changing Light at Sandover (1982)—a sprawling, metaphysical epic inspired by Ouija board sessions with his partner, David Jackson—ventured boldly into questions of life, death, and the infinite.
A Poignant Farewell
As the AIDS crisis ravaged the queer community, Merrill’s later work reflected a profound awareness of mortality. His final collection, A Scattering of Salts (1995), radiates with grace, bearing witness to love’s endurance amidst life’s fragility. Merrill succumbed to complications from HIV in 1995, but his poetry remains a testament to resilience and connection.
A Legacy of Light
Merrill’s influence, bolstered by a Pulitzer Prize, two National Book Awards, and the Bollingen Prize, extends far beyond his verse. His Stonington, Connecticut, home now serves as a haven for poets, ensuring his dedication to the arts endures.
With wit, elegance, and an unwavering exploration of the human heart, Merrill invites us all to embrace life’s mysteries with courage and compassion. His work remains a beacon for those navigating the profound questions of existence.
Suggested Further Reading
Poetry Collections
The Changing Light at Sandover (1982): Merrill’s magnum opus, blending autobiography, metaphysics, and spiritual exploration.
Divine Comedies (1976): Pulitzer-winning poetry that explores love, humour, and existential questions.
A Scattering of Salts (1995): His poignant final collection.
Prose and Memoir
A Different Person (1993): A candid memoir that provides insights into his life and creative process.
Biography
James Merrill: Life and Art by Langdon Hammer (2015): A definitive biography offering a detailed portrait of Merrill’s life and work.
Merrill’s poetry invites readers to confront the mysteries of existence, love, and loss with courage and grace. His voice, simultaneously personal and universal, continues to resonate across generations.
A Queer Holiday Letter: Resilience, Reflection, and Why RENT Is the Christmas Classic We Need
The holidays: a season of joy and togetherness, of sparkling lights and steaming cups of something warming. And yet, for so many—especially those in the queer community—this time of year can be fraught with complexity. The tensions of family dynamics, the weight of expectations, and the struggle to reconcile a world that demands celebration with the quieter truths of who we are can make Christmas a challenging landscape to comfortably navigate.
Enter James Merrill’s hauntingly beautiful poem Christmas Tree, written against the backdrop of the AIDS crisis, and the beloved musical RENT, whose narrative blooms in the shadow of that same epidemic. Both offer us a mirror for the complexities of queer life during the holidays: the ache of loss, the resilience of love, and the transformative power of chosen family.
Christmas and Queer Realities
Merrill’s poem personifies a Christmas tree as a fragile being nearing the end of its life, reflecting on moments of beauty and connection while facing an inevitable decline. There’s something heartbreakingly queer about it—a story of being adorned, loved, celebrated, but also used up, discarded, and replaced. In the context of the AIDS epidemic, the imagery feels even more poignant: a meditation on mortality and meaning, on how we hold ourselves upright in times of great suffering.
For many queer individuals, Christmas with biological families can be a minefield of unspoken judgments, microaggressions, and even outright rejection. The expectations of tradition—heteronormative, cisnormative, and nuclear-family-centered—can leave us feeling excluded from a narrative that prioritises assimilation over authenticity.
Even among families that are loving and supportive, the holidays can amplify feelings of disconnection or “otherness.” The festive atmosphere may seem at odds with the struggles of navigating identity, mental health, or even just the exhausting weight of pretending to be okay.
And yet, there’s also power in this time of year: the chance to redefine what the holidays mean, to embrace the warmth of chosen family, and to create spaces of joy and connection on our own terms.
RENT: The Queer Christmas Classic
Which brings us to RENT. Yes, that RENT. The musical that bursts into life on Christmas Eve, weaving together the lives of artists and lovers in a gritty, bohemian 90s New York City. For all its raw edges, RENT captures what Christmas looks like for so many of us: a season defined not by perfection, but by persistence.
The characters of RENT—dancers, performance artists, filmmakers, struggling musicians, and lovers facing the brutality of AIDS—find joy in each other, in the creation of art, and in their defiance of societal expectations. They remind us that Christmas isn’t about fitting into a mould but about finding light in the people who see us, hold us, and love us for who we are each and every day of the year.
To watch RENT during the holidays is to embrace the fullness of queer experience. It’s a declaration that love, in all its forms, is radical. It’s a reminder that we thrive not despite our challenges but because we choose to keep going, to keep loving, to keep singing.
A Holiday Reimagined
This year, whether you find yourself surrounded by family, friends, or simply the quiet company of your own thoughts, let this be a season of reimagining. Find solace in the works of poets like Merrill, who transform grief into grace. Revisit RENT and let its music fill the spaces where words fail.
Above all, know that you are not alone. The holidays may be complicated, messy, and bittersweet, but they can also be an opportunity to celebrate survival, resilience, and the beauty of being unapologetically yourself.
So light the candles, wrap yourself in something warm, and raise a toast—not just to the season, but to the beautiful, complex story of who you are. And if you're still searching for the perfect soundtrack to your queer holiday, turn up RENT. After all, nothing says Christmas quite like defiance, glitter, and a group of misfits belting their way in six-part harmony into a brighter tomorrow. Plus it’s got Idina Menzel. What more do you want?
Happy holidays, dear friends. Let’s keep loving, creating, and thriving together.
Viva la vie boheme!
What traditions or works bring you comfort during this season? How do you navigate the complex interplay of family, identity, and celebration?
Leave a comment below to share your thoughts, memories, or reflections. Let’s continue the dialogue—your voice matters here.
If you enjoyed this article, subscribe for more explorations of queer art, poetry, and literature. Share it with friends who might find solace or inspiration in these words, or tip the price of a cup of coffee to help sustain this space for thoughtful, heartfelt discussion.
Together, let’s celebrate the stories that illuminate our shared humanity—one poem, one song, and one conversation at a time. How else do you measure a year in your life?